


Don’t Hold Your Breath Darling(You’ll Run Out Of Air)

by doctorsimmonswilson



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: ALL THE ANGST, Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Songfic, Songfic: Breathe by Taylor Swift, post 16x16
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:15:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26111005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctorsimmonswilson/pseuds/doctorsimmonswilson
Summary: And we know it's never simple,Never easyNever a clean break, no one here to save meYou're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,And I can't,Breathe,Without you,But I have to,Breathe,Without you,But I have to
Relationships: Alex Karev/Jo Wilson Karev
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9
Collections: jolex x taylor swift week





	Don’t Hold Your Breath Darling(You’ll Run Out Of Air)

**Author's Note:**

> day 2 friends!!
> 
> enjoy!

Jo misses him. It’s plain, it’s simple, it’s expected. It makes sense. She had loved him, loved him with a fervor that she had never loved anyone before. She had loved him deeply, wholly; it was all-encompassing the way she had loved him.

_“That’s disgusting,” he laughs. Jo covers her mouth with her hand, preventing the whipped cream from falling._

_“Hey, you were just pouring it into your mouth!” Jo grins, wiping the whipped cream away. Alex sprays more whipped cream into his mouth, kissing Jo. She shrieks with laughter. And she couldn’t breathe._

She had loved him through good times and bad. She had loved him despite his worst flaws. Even when he was angry, volatile, bordering on something Jo was deeply afraid of...she had loved him. It terrified her how conquering and how fully she had loved him. 

Jo had loved Alex Karev despite everything he had ever done to make her not want to. But she couldn't love him through this. Not through him breaking her heart.

_Jo zippers Alex’s suitcase for the last time._

_“Your hairbrush is in there. Although you never brush your hair, I’m not sure exactly why you need it,” Jo says, questioningly, absent-mindedly._

_“It’s just a weekend,” Alex says quickly. Jo looks up at him, eyebrow quirked._

_“I know,” she licks her lips. Alex shrugs, then nods quickly. His gate is called to board._

_“I’ll see you Monday,” Jo smiles, kissing him. Alex pulls away awkwardly._

_“You know I love you, Josephine Alice Karev?” Jo blanches, placing her hands on Alex’s shoulders. He’s never used her full name before._

_“Yeah, of course,” Jo smiles, slightly nervously. “Is everything okay?”_

_“Yeah,” Alex shakes his head. “Goodbye.” She later wishes she had questioned his word choice. Because afterwards she couldn’t breathe._

They would ask her if she was okay. They would ask her if she was okay. It’s a dumb, stupid, horrible question. She loathes the word ‘okay’. Of course she isn’t okay. She’s not fine or good or nice. 

To the hell with being okay. Let them think he’s having an affair, he’s dead, he’s gone in any other capacity than having left her. It’s a sick kind of twisted reality, the one where someone leaves you. It’s a dumb, stupid, horrible reality. 

_“I’m not going anywhere except home with you.”_

For the first week following Alex’s departure- if that’s what it can be called- his words ring in Jo’s head. Promises of coming home, never leaving; promises of forever. She should have known. These things never work out. Love that is destined to fail can’t be saved.

She may be worthy of love, but she is sure that it will never find her. Not the kind that lasts. Not the kind that doesn’t leave behind a scar. 

_“How did you get that?” Alex drags a finger across Jo’s scapula._

_“Him,” Jo says curtly. No name needs to be said for clarification. Jo swallows, turning back towards her husband. She silently begs him not to fret. Silently: it was a long time ago. Silently: I’m still working through it._

_He nods, kissing her cheek. He throws a jacket on, and hollers something about not being slow on his way out the door. Their communication could be unspoken, but it was still there. Still pouring love out. It took her breath away._

She found herself effectively ghosted. Alex hadn’t called for weeks. Not a week, not two, not three. Four weeks and three days, just two days shy of a month. He had ghosted her. Most people would call it leaving; she would call it leaving. Yet, she still feels ghosted. Like she was some girlfriend who he decided wasn’t worth his time. 

She wishes he had been some guy. Then his sudden change of heart, his sudden change of mind...it could have made sense. She wouldn’t have had to hear the rumors fly, and everyone else would have understood. She would have understood. 

_“He took little pieces of me. And then he took big ones,” Jo takes a sip of her beer, leaning into the hammock. Alex squeezes her knee, sipping his own beer._

_“I never want to see you hurt again. It kills me to hear about it,” Alex stares into her eyes, an unreadable expression across his face._

_It was soft, more nurturing than he’d been in a long time. Their love was passionate, fierce. For a long time, it had lacked softness. Jo was glad he showed it now. Breathing came easier because of it._

She stopped breathing when she read the letter. She had been trying to hold her breath for weeks now, ever since he’d left. Now, knowing he’s gone; the breath has escaped her. It felt like suffocating, plastic taped over her mouth.

_“You know I never got the whole friends to lovers thing. I always thought if you loved someone, you dive right in. But then I met you,” Jo smiles. She feels like she could burst with happiness; she’s got a good feeling about her intern exam next week, and she’s got Alex now._

_It’s breathtaking, how lucky she’s gotten, how her life has changed for the better. She’s just glad it isn’t fear stealing the air from her lungs._

“I feel like I lost a friend too,” Jo says sourly. “Alex was my best friend.” Link pats his infant son’s back, peering at his friend. “I mean you are...but he was one of the best friends I’ve ever had. Even if he was my husband, he was my friend first.” Link nods.

“What the hell am I gonna do?” Jo brings her face into her hands. 

It felt like losing everything. She had lost her husband, her friend, her support system, her family, the love of her life. It should make sense that she’s upset.

It should make sense that she misses Alex Karev, but it doesn’t. It just takes her breath away, with no promise of ever getting it back.


End file.
